A tall drink of water.

   Yes, I'm talking about a certain someone. And not to sound uber cliche, but call me what it may, it is definitely Christ.
  
   I had a long serious talk with my dad last month, whish was way overdue, but we talked about stuff that I was going through and the things I had been feeling that were making me feel overcome in some areas and also kind of alone. Obviously I have my family always and forever, but some of you know the "alone" i'm speaking of, an alone that is altogether different from any other alone that is used generally...and not even with Christ did I feel alone really. But I felt as if, maybe, could I possibly be alone, without a husband, for the rest of my life?? Surely I'm not called to that by God.
   But can I get to the place where I could be content if that was the case? At this point, I can honestly say.......I'm working on it. I can tell you the point I know I am in at this point though. That is, in my life right now, I am content without someone, because I am solely focused on furthering my relationship with my "tall, refreshing, drink of Water," which is my Father and Redeemer, which I will touch more on in a sec.
The thing that I have been asking myself and Him now though is, is it okay to still want that particular "aloneness" to be filled? Or am I doing something wrong? Because I am completely telling the truth when I say I am truly content right now, but what does it mean to also still have that feeling in the back of your heart. How can you be content and longing at the same time? This is the area I am still waiting for peace about.
I am sharing my heart with you all right now, so that maybe I can help someone out there that needs to be hearing it and may be asking the same thing. To me personally, I feel like my way of ministering/purpose is to share with others my life experiences and hardships so that maybe they can avoid or get through them a little easier.
So back to how my most important relationship is going... it is funny how I can go from being worried about lack of excitement and growth, to the place I am now. I'm not saying I'm doing the best I ever have been with my quiet time and such, but being back at school and having my freedom to worship to powerful songs, is rejuvenating in itself. But what is even greater is the fact that my desire for my relationship with God is returning, such as in my devotions, prayer time and church, and it feels amazing. I know what it sounds like..."its just cause you're back at Liberty so you think you feel this way cause of the atmosphere of the place", well the atmosphere does help that's for sure. But I don't take advantage of it like some people do...If anything from the past two years without a church I take in every minute that I can worship in public like here. But it is not the main reason that I feel so encouraged to commit to my relationship with Him this time....surprisingly it was one little prayer from my new RA's this year. Don't ask me why, because I couldn't even tell you what they prayed, but for some reason the way that they prayed over me alone, and the love that I felt from them was what made me feel so encouraged. God used them to show me the love I needed and to inspire me to keep puruing and keep going everyday to talk to my God. Everyday since has been a growing, learning, and touching experience that I don't want to end or take for granted.
   So a lesson that maybe I can get through to you readers...a relationship with God is not a one-sided relationship, it's not give & take. Just like any relationship, you have to commit, pursue, and give back. And also, the truth about God that I have been blinded from and ignored, is that God is always there by my side, embracing me when I feel alone & when I don't, and I've finally embraced this. Sometimes though, we just won't stop and feel Him, when all we needed to do to find His arms was to find the Silence in the Sound.